


i clutched my life and wished it kept

by Author_Authenticated



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Death, Character Death, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Nott the Brave You Are My Angel, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, happy enough at least, i just want nott to be HAPPY and i DO THIS, i wrote this because a specific headcanon i have and i derailed. SO QUICKLY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 03:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13473051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_Authenticated/pseuds/Author_Authenticated
Summary: It was the kind of fear that took over your entire body. It was everything at once. It was the reeling kind of grotesque fear that doesn’t stop replaying over and over in your head, even as you sleep, even as it’s happening. It was the heart-pounding, mind-racing, feet moving kind of fear that saved you from near-death situations.also known as: i wrote all this god damn angst just so that caleb can comfort nott by singing to her





	i clutched my life and wished it kept

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably gonna be outdated by whenever nott's origins come out. anyway. i wrote this because i headcanon Caleb having a similar singing voice to hozier. a man can dream, cant he? give me Caleb singing Like Real People Do, you COWARDS  
> jk but still. luv me some caleb and hozier

It was the kind of fear that took over your entire body. It was everything at once. It was the reeling kind of grotesque fear that doesn’t stop replaying over and over in your head, even as you sleep, even as it’s happening. It was the heart-pounding, mind-racing, feet moving kind of fear that saved you from near-death situations.   
  
She felt it from the tips of her ears to the very points of her clawed feet. She felt the cold, horrifying sensation drag itself down her neck, into her hoarse throat and finally taking an icy grip on her heart. Her heart beat as fast as a hare, or perhaps as fast   
  
_(as her village burned down as fast as the kicks that connected to her rib cage as fast as she ran from the bad man with the shiny rings and open pockets as fast as the air left frumpkin’s tiny lungs_   
  
_asfastastheswordwentthroughcalebsstomach nonononono_ **_WAIT_ ** _)_   
  
as she slipped jewels and shiny things into her pockets. Her feet couldn’t- no, _wouldn’t_ move and her bright yellow eyes were as wide as the sun, paralyzed almost completely. The only thing in her body capable of moving was the blood running through her veins and the heart still beating in her chest. She couldn’t scream, she couldn’t draw her sword, she couldn’t do anything but watch as the creature’s giant teeth didn’t sink but force their way into Caleb’s chest cavity. The sound of ribs being broken like twigs was more sickening than the mere sight of blood and  flesh and slimy slippery slick ~~_his_ ~~ organs getting stuck between the sharp teeth of a snarling maw with the ferocity of a beast that hadn’t eaten in days and would do anything for just a bite just a taste just enough   
enough   
_enough_ **_please_ ** there won’t be anything left to bury please stop stop stop

 

The girl begins to cry. She can hardly force breaths between her closed throat and overworked lungs. Her hands begin to shake and tears well up in the corner of her eyes. She hiccups, unable to control her breathing.  
  
The beast’s ears twitch. Like a flash of lightning, the crying goblin girl catches the attention of the beast. It looks up. It _grins_ .   
  
She screams.

  


. . .

  


She thrashes in her straw bed, audibly sobbing and kicking her feet. Caleb awakens with a jolt, being the light sleeper that he is, and finds his arm instinctively reaching for the dagger under his coat that he had folded up and used as a pillow. He gave the room’s actual pillow to Nott, he was fine without it. Becoming aware of his surroundings, he looks to the bed beside him. _Oh._ The familiar goblin was very obviously distressed, small frame shaking like a leaf, curled into herself as her blanket lie at the edge of the bed.  
  


The wizard’s mind immediately assumed the worst, _was she in pain? Is she hurt?_ He shot up from his makeshift sleeping arrangement on the floor, banging his shoulder into the wooden frame of Nott’s bed as he moved, and reached for a grip on her shoulder. Gentle hands shook the near-shrieking goblin girl, whispering to her in his attempts to wake her from her terror.  
  


“Nott? Nott? Nott, wake up, it’s okay, are you okay?” Caleb cooed, watching as the girl’s eyelids twitched. He continued to shake her.  
  


The girl’s eyes opened in a flash, and just as quickly she sat up and scurried away from him, back flattening against the wall.  
  


“Nott?”  
  


“C-Caleb?”  
  


Nott’s wild, wide eyes softened when she recognized Caleb, rubbing away tears from her eyes. Caleb sighed in relief, embracing Nott tightly as she still trembled.  
  


“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Caleb whispered, rubbing small circles on Nott’s back, doing his best to calm the girl down. She took a deep breath and embraced him back. Her tiny hands seemed to be fixated on a certain point right in the middle of his lower back. Little claws seemed to poke him.  
 

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry. I just- I had a bad dream. I didn't mean to wake you. I really apologize, honest.” She sniffled, wiping the remaining wetness of her eyes on his shirt.  
  


“It-It’s okay. You’re okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Caleb offered, moving away to look her in the eye.  
 

“Where’s Frumpkin?” She turned her head, looking around for the orange cat. Caleb snapped his fingers and the feline appeared next to Nott, purring and bumping his head against Nott’s leg.  
  


“Is that… a no to wanting to talk about it?” Caleb whispered awkwardly, pitch raising toward the end of his question. Nott nodded. The two (three, including Frumpkin) sat in silence, rested against each other. After ten or so minutes, Nott piped up.  
  


“Caleb?”  
  


“Yes, Nott?”  
  


“Can you uh, can you sing me something?”  
  


“Oh, um… like what?” Caleb cleared his throat, not expecting the request.  
  


“Jus'… anything. Anything’s fine." Nott reached for the blankets once again and curled up in Caleb's lap. The wizard swallowed, focused himself, and took a deep breath.  
  


_"All you have is your fire, and the place you need to reach..."_ His voice was rough, obviously unaccustomed to singing from a long period without. Some notes were too high and some fell flat, but he soon fell into a good balance. _"Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash."_

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably gonna be outdated by whenever nott's origins come out. anyway. i wrote this because i headcanon Caleb having a similar singing voice to hozier. a man can dream, cant he? give me Caleb singing Like Real People Do, you COWARDS  
> jk but still. luv me some caleb and hozier


End file.
